You dare not call me a slut!

Last Sunday, I read Seema Goswami’s perspective on Slutwalk in HT Brunch.

The crux of her story is that she thinks accepting ‘slut’ as a word is demeaning. Why should women call themselves sluts just to prove a point?

Secondly, she believes that though rape under any circumstances is not justifiable, you shouldn’t leave your door open and make it easy for a burglar to run amok.

The first part of the second argument has universal approval. The latter part is where the controversy lies. Let’s save that discussion for some other occasion.

I am told that women want to reclaim their right to dress the way they want to. So that no mean-minded moron ever calls a sexily dressed woman a ‘slut’ and gets away with it.

That’s where Slutwalk began as a campaign.

Now there are various arguments against Slutwalk – Why call it a derogatory name? Would it invite more perverts to indulge in visual pleasure? Will it actually change behaviour of men?…and so on.

But at the end of the day it’s a campaign. And most great campaigns serve only one objective at a time.

Slutwalk was never meant to and never will achieve the objective of changing men’s behaviour. It was only meant to tell men “Don’t call me a slut just because I dress sexily”.

The insult in this case is not due to the rapes that are committed everyday across the world.

The insult is due to the remark “You’ll invite trouble if you dress like a slut”. Slutwalk is a protest against that remark and the mentality that brings about such remarks.

And it’s doing its job brilliantly. Millions of people across the world are talking about it and writing about it.

The ultimate rebellion is when you do the exact opposite of what you are told.

Gandhi’s hugely successful Dandi march was along similar lines. The British said, “Don’t touch the salt unless you pay the salt tax”. Gandhi did the exact opposite with thousands supporting him.

So let’s not judge the rebellion that is Slutwalk by parameters like ‘It won’t change men’s behaviour’ OR ‘It will be detrimental to the cause because you are giving more men the chance to turn pervert’.

In a campaign to create talkability, provocation is your biggest weapon.

Slutwalk is only that. Brilliant provocation!

Ownership, value and love

I hate to squeeze out the last bit of toothpaste from the tube.

I don’t really care about wasting or not attempting to utilize the total amount of paste.

But my mother is different from me.

She would squeeze every tube till it’s last bit.

And I would get irritated by her efforts. Mind you, she isn’t stingy at all.

I don’t exhibit the same behaviour when it comes to other things. Like my clothes.

I use every piece of garment till I believe I can’t use it anymore.

The difference is in the ‘ownership’ I believe.

In my mind I don’t own the toothpaste but I do own the clothes I wear.

In her mind, my mother owns everything that she buys in the house. That’s her territory. So she would not want anything to go waste. She will put in all efforts to get complete value from everything she owns.

That’s true of all of us. I know someone who would sacrifice his time with family, friends and other joys in life just to take care of his motorbike. So that it can give him the maximum value for the money he paid for it.

He was never in love with his motorbike.

When you are in love with something, it elicits the opposite kind of behaviour. You want to preserve things that you love. And not use them up.

Like a really special gift.

Or somebody you love.

Or a favourite perfume that is about to get over.

You acquire either to ‘use’ or to ‘love’. The starting point of the acquisition makes the difference.

But sometimes an acquisition of ‘use’ can give you so much value that over a period of time you tend to think that you are in love with it.

I find that dangerous. Value can’t be equated to love. Love should always happen before value.

Value can bring only attachment but not love.

Love, will eventually give value.

Don’t forget to entertain

A pen salesman enters a crowded Mumbai local train. He seems pretty sure of his success. His body language suggests so.

After all, he has a unique product to sell. A pen with an eraser that can wipe off whatever you write. Without a trace.

But his product is not the only special thing he is carrying. He has a unique way of selling too.

As he enters, he confidently makes way for himself and creates his playground by saying loudly to everyone around him, “Please give me some space brother”.

He has a magician-like aura as he opens his bag and displays his wares to everyone.

He raises the pack of pens in his hand and asks everyone to have a look. “Please look, looking doesn’t cost much”. All eyes turn upward to see what he’s holding in his hands.

Then he goes on to demonstrate how the pen writes on a piece of paper. He follows it up with how the attached eraser can wipe off the writing.

Just when you thought it was over, he gently pulls a fellow passenger’s shirt sleeve and scribbles on it with the pen.

He demonstrates the wipe-off act again. Everyone literally gets off their seats to check the magic-like effect.

His arms go up again. To show his magic wand, the pen.

After an enthralling 5 minute performance, he begins taking orders. “Only for Rs.20/- Not available in the market”

His magic sells approximately 25 pens in the next 5 minutes.

Show over! He leaves for his next act, next door.

What did he have that made him so successful at his job?

Usually it’s said that you do well if you are passionate about what you do at work.

But he did not seem passionate either about the pen or about selling.

What he did successfully was to excite his clients. He enthralled, entertained and engaged them.

I don’t think failure bothered him greatly. He was ready to scoot away for his next act in case he had no takers.

He seemed so clinical, yet exciting at the same time. As if he’s mastered the act with daily practice.

I’ve heard actors doing that. Mastering the art of emoting through practice. They do it, because like all artists actors have a passion for their job.

But you can’t expect everyone to be passionate about their job. Not everyone is an artist after all.

In a world where most of our jobs entail us to sell something, the least we can do is learn to make it entertaining.

It can make up for the lack of passion.

It may even make up for selling a bad product to unassuming clients which most of us are usually guilty of.

When the diagnosis is wrong

Last week I had gone for a few consumer home visits with a client.

The client wanted to do an ad clinic with them. Getting to understand how they’ve received our ads as well as that of competition.

Every respondent was shown four ads at one go. And they were asked what they remembered.

Then they were shown the ads again. One at a time. Frame by frame.

And asked after every frame about what they understood.

These were home visits. All respondents were in their ‘natural habitat’.

Hence they were facing a lot of distractions. One respondent’s mother-in-law wanted to be part of the discussion. Another one’s daughter wanted to play with the client’s laptop.

We had tried our best to isolate the respondents so that they could be in ‘our world’ for the duration of the interview.

‘Our world’ was where nobody would disturb the discussion. Where they will see ads the way we want them to see them. Frame by frame. And respond to our queries about what they understood from every frame.

But that’s far away from reality.

Consumers watch ads in their own environment.

Sometimes family members are fighting to watch different programmes at the same time.

Most times they are switching between channels during ads.

Sometimes they are managing other tasks in the house.

Watching ads is last on their list of priorities.

Whatever messaging registers in their minds gets registered in this scenario.

So what’s the point in showing ads to them in your kind of a scenario and asking what do they think of it?

We use the wrong lens to view the problem, and more often than not end up with the wrong solution.

Files and folders

You start with a clean folder.

And then those files keep coming.

Some created by you, some sent by clients, colleagues, vendors, etc.

There comes a time when there are so many files that you are forced to create sub-folders.

So that it becomes easier to retrieve them later and saves you from a lot of headache.

But some people like to predict things. They meticulously plan so much for the long term that based on previous experiences, they create sub-folders.

And try to force fit every file that comes their way in those sub-folders.

They struggle sometimes but they still manage to fit their files in those pre-decided sub-folders.

What’s the fun in making everything so predictable?

People will throw surprises at you. Every new surprise teaches something new.

Provided you don’t compartmentalise in your attempt to be intelligent.

It’s an infinite universe.

There are infinite emotions, experiences and practices.

And growing everyday.

So let yourself grow along with it.

Demand, supply and decisions

Yesterday I was out shopping with a friend.

She loved a dress and tried it on. It was looking nice on her.

I felt the dress was nice but not worth the Rs.4000/- tag on it.

She asked my opinion. I told her that it’s not worth that price.

“Do you really need it?” I asked.

“No, but I love it”, she replied

“Then don’t think. Go ahead and buy”, I said.

So she tried it on again and came out of the changing room saying, “You are right, it’s not worth that much. I have many such black dresses”.

I told her to go home and check if she is still thinking about that dress. If she is missing it then she should come back and buy it. If not, then she would’ve made a wise decision of not buying it.

After all, there were many such pieces in the shop. There was very little chance that they would run out of stock. So there was no need to make a decision at that instant.

There was another incident a few years ago.

I was out shopping again.

I loved a pair of shoes. It was the only pair of its kind available in the shop.

I took it off the shelf and tried it on. It fit as if it was made for me.

Everything seemed perfect. The colour, the style, design, fit.

So as always, I started analyzing if the price made sense.

The shoes were lying next to me.

I saw another customer who was eyeing the pair. He picked it up and asked the salesman how much was it for.

I immediately forgot that I was doing a rational analysis of my purchase.

I jumped up and said, “Excuse me, I’ve already bought it”. I almost pulled it from his hands and headed straight to the payment counter.

The laws of demand and supply have a lot to do with whether we make a rational decision or an emotional decision.

I was once dating a girl.

She had been looking for guys through the arranged marriage route before I entered her life.

One of those guys looked promising. Her parents wanted her to get married to that guy.

Every passing day was full of anxiety for both of us as her parents expected her to say ‘yes’ to that guy and gear up for marriage.

One day I could not take it anymore. I knew that time was running out. So I told her that I am ready to marry her.

When we love something and see it slipping out of our hands, we want it at any cost.

We do love it in the first place to want it.

But when we are faced with the prospect of losing out on it then our decision making is largely influenced by the laws of demand and supply.

What’s your basic instinct?

Saving

Curiosity

Family

Order

Romance

Vengeance

Power

Independence

Honour

Social contact

Hunger

Idealism

Acceptance

Tranquility

Physicality

Social standing

The sixteen basic human motivations.

They form the basis for every action that we take.

But at the heart of it, every motivation feeds into one called ‘Order’

‘Order’ means everything should be in place at the end of it. A no-chaos scenario.

When you go after ‘saving’ it is so that you can have a secure future. ‘ORDER’

When act out of ‘curiosity’, you expect to learn something that you’ve been itching to. Post that it’s a feeling of contentment. ‘ORDER’

Your ‘family’ instincts are driven by a need to have people around you during good as well as bad times. ‘ORDER’

You exhibit ‘romance’ so that you get a partner. So that you excite your partner. A partner is comfort. ‘ORDER’.

Similarly every other motivation can finally lead into order.

Order is the last level of motivation. It is not a primary motivation.

Problem begins when we adopt order as the primary motivation. Driven by long term goals and all that non-sense.

“In the long term we are all dead”, said John Maynard Keynes, the famous economist.

If you begin to seek order, then you tend to miss out on all the other motivations which are more exciting and make your life richer.

Order only makes your life stagnant and poorer.

Once order sets in, you don’t know where to go. Or what to look for next.

Light travels faster than sound

When I was kid I was taught this in physics.

My teacher substantiated it by saying how lightening is seen before you hear the thunder.

Even today I can see it when my phone gets a sms. It lights up first and then gives out the sound.

It is nature’s way of cutting the surprise element and warning us beforehand.

But we rarely pay attention to the light before the sound.

Because light requires us to look in a particular direction to notice it.

Sound has to be only received and is heard irrespective of what you are doing.

Most times we miss the light because we are not looking for it.

We are not ready for surprises. And we appear surprised when we hear the sound.

Not realizing there is always a light preceding it.

A marriage of equals

A month ago I was told that I am going to work on a new brand.

That meant a new boss.

I have always felt happy and fortunate to have bosses who were way too senior to me. I never wanted a boss who was just a few years senior to me.

My previous boss was 20 years senior to me. My new boss is a young lady, only about 7 years older to me.

The first thing that my new boss told me was, “I am not your boss. We are co-workers and we shall work together to achieve this”.

None of my ex-bosses had ever told me something like that.

My old boss always conducted workshops himself and made presentations himself. His philosophy was to be at the forefront everytime, not realizing that he needs to create soldiers who can lead when the time comes.

My new boss asked me to conduct a workshop in the first week of me joining her. She felt I had better experience than her in doing that. She diligently sat through it like a pupil.

Within a week I opened up to my boss and told her something that’s been playing on my mind since two years. I could never say that to my ex-boss inspite of us being very friendly.

My fixation for senior bosses immediately took a U-turn.

I always felt a senior boss would teach me many more things than a not so senior boss.

But my stints with senior bosses were unequal marriages. None of them made me feel like an equal.

A boss is a partner in many ways.

And when your partner doesn’t make you feel like an equal the marriage doesn’t last long.

Or else, there can be only one happy person in that marriage.

When you are rejected

I was devastated.

My impeccable record was shattered.

A few years ago I was rejected in a job interview. It was my first such rejection.

I could no longer say, “I have never been rejected in a job interview”.

I used to take pride in the fact that every prospective employer wanted me.

That was the most beautiful feeling.

We are all afraid of rejection, aren’t  we?

But what is great about being acceptable to all and sundry?

It doesn’t show that you have anything unique.

Everyone wants you because they think that you can do anything and everything.

Or are you trying to project that you can do anything and everything? Trying to please everyone?

Its like friendship. Its always better to have 5 friends in front of whom you can cry if need  be rather than having a thousand friends who hold you in high esteem but you cant let your guard down in front of any of them.

So why hate rejection?

We constantly seek and try to define what we are.

Rejection defines what we are not. The ‘what we are not’ is as important as the ‘what we are’

In addition, it also helps you understand which interviews to attempt and which not. For a job and for everything else in life.